Written by: Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, 22 January 2008
When we listen to the leaders of WADA (World Anti-Drug Agency) and USADA (U.S. Anti-Drug Agency) on what is actually happening in the wonderful world of drug testing, all the rhetoric is enough to turn your mind to mush.
Is the athlete really guilty? Did the lab mess up? And more importantly, what the heck is nandrolone and how did it end up in my Pop Tart? It got me to wondering how real-life police would do their job if they could toss out trivial stuff like due process, protocol and chain of custody and actually follow the lead of the folks affectionately known as The Drug Thugs:
Jonathan Mellow: Are you Mr. Pound... Mr. Dick Pound?
Dick Pound: Yes.....who is this?
JM: Im Jonathan Mellow from the state police.
DP: And you are calling me because...
JM: Mr. Pound, we impounded a 1999 Ford Taurus this afternoon...
DP: Okayyyyyyy...
JM: And we found drugs in the trunk of the car.
DP: I'm a little confused here...
JM: The current owner, Bill Rasmussen, said that he bought the Taurus from you back in 1999...
DP: I still don't quite get where you're going with this.
JM: Mr. Rasmussen says that the drugs must have been in the car when he bought it from you and that he has never opened the trunk.
DP: First off all, I don't do drugs. Never have. I run the World Anti-Drug Association, WADA. Have you heard of us? The car was SOLD to Mr. Rasmussen eight years ago!
JM: But he insists that he has no idea how those drugs got in the trunk, and we did find your fingerprints in the trunk. Since you are the person who owned the car previously and sold it to Mr. Rasmussen...
DP: Wait a second. Because I OWNED the car eight years ago I could be a suspect for something that you found in the car NOW?
JM: Absolutely.
DP: But that makes no sense.
JM: It does to us. You bought the car originally you admit that and we just found drugs in the trunk. Seems pretty simple to me.
DP: But you're missing some important points.
JM: Like?
DP: I have not seen this car since I sold it Mr. Rasmussen...
JM: Can you prove that?
DP: No... but so many people could have tampered with the car during that time. Who knows who could have put something in that trunk?
JM: So you feel that you are not responsible for something that is found in a car that you admit you bought?
DP: That's right.
JM: And the reason is that you have been totally out of touch with it since you sold it and have no idea who or what might have tampered with this vehicle?
DP: Exactly! Now you're getting it. Yes, I owned the car at one time. But I haven't seen it in eight years.
JM: So you shouldn't be responsible for anything that was found in this car after the date you sold it, correct?
DP: You're getting it now. It makes no sense for me to be responsible for something I have had no control over in EIGHT years! That's ridiculous to even try to make that connection.
JM: Mr. Pound, do you know an athlete by the name of Lance Armstrong?
DP: Of course. Why do you ask?
JM: Because he left what was supposed to be an anonymous urine sample with one of your WADA labs eight years ago and it seems that you feel that he should be responsible for something your lab guys eight years after the fact say they now found in this sample that they can't even prove is his. Can you tell Mr. Armstrong where that sample has been for the past eight years? And if you are absolutely sure it is his, who had access to it? And can you give us a detailed chain of custody report?
DP: That is an entirely different situation. You cannot compare the two in any way, shape or form!
JM: Mr. Pound?
DP: Yes...
JM: Have you ever heard the term 'What's good for the goose is good for the gander?'
DP: Yesssssssssssss...?
JM: The pounding that you hear is the police who are now at your front door. They have your Ford Taurus, your fingerprints and the drugs. Sounds like an open-and-shut case to me.
DP: You cant do this!
JM: Oh, and Mr. A asked me to send his best along with a little poem.
DP: A what? A Poem?
JM: Yep...
Roses are Red Violets are blue.
I think that stripes
Will look good on you.
Enjoy prison!
In the spirit of this election year, as candidates local and national are out campaigning and the Democratic National Convention kicks off in Denver end of this month, we decided to check in with busy politicians around our active state to hear how they stay fit and healthy. 
